Second Chance Pt 2

The following thought crossed my mind today, and I felt rather Carrie Bradshaw-like. "I couldn't help but wonder..." Why do we go back to the things that hurt us?

The second chance of which I wrote in my previous post turned out to be nothing more than a brief opportunity to reconnect. A fleeting moment, really, in the grand scheme of each others' lives. But I started to think about why I considered giving this person a second chance in the first place. Why did I want to reconnect with someone who had hurt me? I knew what would happen. I knew it would be the same as before. But my inner cockeyed optimist (gold star to the musical theatre geek who gets that reference) ignored what the realistic me knew instinctively and gave this person--let's call them Jersey--gave Jersey the benefit of the doubt. For whatever reason, I fight off the urge to think the worst of people. I nearly always give people more credit than they deserve. And don't you know that that's the surest way to get disappointed? And don't you know that's the surest way to get hurt?

I have a friend who's currently giving someone a second chance, so that, too, feeds the inspiration for this post. From what I can gather, this girl really messed with him the last time. Why would you want to go back to that? Why would any rational, intelligent, common sensical adult choose to go back to someone that hurt them? To a situation that was not good for them? Do we enjoy the pain? Is it part of our love of the game? The possibility of the win? What propels us back into the arms of someone who may just let go again? Who wasn't strong enough to hold onto us the first time?

If you've already repaired your broken heart, and tucked the memories of the person away into a safe little box, then you would think the matter closed. A phone call or a chance meeting with them should not matter. Is it the fact that the good times trump the bad? Perhaps it's the opportunity to show real forgiveness (the existence of which I sometimes doubt), the chance to tell/show this person that while they've hurt you, you hold no grudge against them, and you've chalked it all up to experience. That's all good and well--if you don't open the wound wide enough for them to stab at it again. Is the feeling of pain worth it just to feel something-anything-at all? (There's a Three Day's Grace song about this; I highly recommend it.)

But why, when there's another door open--a door to something new, a door to something that could make you happy, a door to a room you've never dared to enter (or that you've maybe only peeked your head into)--would you not walk through it? Why not take the chance that you've never taken? Because it's just as scary? Because you could end up getting hurt either way? But you've not ever been hurt by anything behind door #2...Door #2 has been open for you for some time now, and you've not let yourself walk through it. Door #2 wants you to pick them. There's something great behind it. Let's make a deal...