Second Chance?

Two weeks ago, I got a most unexpected phone call. It was 12:45 p.m., I was sitting at my desk, and my bosses were mere feet from me. Upon seeing the number and recognizing it as a New Jersey number, a name flashed through my head. No, it couldn't possibly be. Why would he be calling me on some random...no, it's not. Tentatively, I answered. "Hello?" "Hey!" --pause for attempt at voice recognition-- It sounds like...but why? Maybe? "I'm sorry, who is this?" --laughter. Unmistakeable, unforgettable laughter. -- Oh my God, it is. "Hey! How-how are you?" Shocked beyond words and flustered, I managed to get out of my office and find a quiet place to carry on the conversation. The first conversation I'd had with this person in 3 months. This person that I hadn't seen in 7 months and that, quite frankly, I didn't expect to see or hear from again. Small talk ensued. Get to the point, here. Why did you call me at 12:45 p.m. on a random Thursday in July after we haven't spoken in 3 months and I never expected to hear from you again??? "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get together." --heart stops. head spins.-- "Sure, um, yeah!" Damn, I made myself sound too available. Conversation ended not long after that, leaving us with the intent to make plans to see each other and me with the face-crackingest smile I'd worn in a long time. A smile I made no attempt to hide when I got back to my office. A smile which caused my bosses to give me a good-natured ribbing. A smile which left me completely unable to focus on anything for the next half hour.

We make plans to meet. After the incredibly stressful drive through the heart of Bucks County suburbia--minivans, strip malls, 35-mph traffic--and at first arriving at the wrong location, then getting lost on my way to the correct one--did I mention the apparent complete lack of parking at said location?--I arrived at the destination in question, nearly in tears and shaking. I managed to compose myself, and a few minutes later, managed to find the reason I had made such journey. The next hour and a half passed without much incident. It was slightly awkward, given that we hadn't seen each other since December of last year, but nothing that either of us couldn't handle. We talked, we walked, and we kissed (initiated by him, not I) before we parted. It seemed like the door that he reopened will remain that way, but I've walked through it with my feet on the ground; and I intend to keep them there.

So here I am, 5 days and one as-yet-unreturned voice mail later, wondering what's next. And, at the moment, failing miserably at my attempt to not think about it. I guess it's alright to have reopened the door (wound?) as long as we both know it's not going to go fullspeedahead and that there's the possibility that it may not work out again.

I can't help but wonder, though, would it have been better that the door remained closed? I had already given the whole thing a place in my book of memories and made peace with it. More wonderings include: Did I have so much trouble getting to the place we were supposed to meet because I shouldn't have been going there at all? Will I hear from him again? Would he really reopen the door if he didn't intend to walk through it? Why after all this time would he decide to contact and see me? Did he think the date (?) went worse than he expected, and that the whole thing was a bad idea after all? What is the meaning of life? (Just kidding with that last one, folks) I always think the worst until I have reason not to. A flaw in my character, I suppose. At least if the worst happens, you're ready for it.

fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.